But his temper is unspoken-ly known.
And Jimmy, with a few sips in his system, would follow through with his Satanic reign of spirit-guided terror.
So Jimmy, one of the wealthiest beings ever, at a bar, would unleash a tirade that would included racism, sexism and insensitivity.
Hence, Jimmy At A Bar.
And yes, there is a storyline to Immortal / An Immortal, the album that Jimmy At A Bar is the "leak" (not the first single) to.
SO........ let me run through and down my life since I got a deal, very quickly.
I broke up with Toya, weeks before my first meeting with Jimmy. Toya, I was supposed to marry. Giving a fuck less, I grinded, and met Simone on MySpace whilst I was trying to promote my music. We fell "in love", despite the studio heads (as I was in FDA at the time) calling her a groupie and a gold digger.
True or not, I loved her the way a man should love a woman.
She breaks up with me at the XXL cover shoot. The same day I meet Starr. A few days later, I meet Karen (my birthday, 2008). We later connected romantically (I have nothing bad to say about her). A few days after us (me and Karen) was when I first met Jess. We later connected romantically as well. So I juggled both of them.
Until I met Briana in early 2009. Who was supposed to be Rihanna (enter the shapeshifting topic).
I left Karen and Jess for Briana. Moved Briana in with me, with this in my heart:
Whether she is Rihanna or I am being lied to about shapeshifting, I am going to love her with all my heart.
Fast forward to summer 2009, the video incident. We stay together through it all, despite how selfish and abusive she was.
Fast forward to fall 2009, my god-uncle Jeff (supposedly, better and naturally known as Jay-Z) moves in with me, and completely wrecks my focus by... being hard on me? One night, he does some NEXT LEVEL shit and scares me all the way to death. To put it mildly, if he were to rape me in my sleep, my cowering would be justified by that NEXT LEVEL ASS SHIT HE DID.
We meet with Matt Michelson, who claims he's Eminem, just not in his natural form. Says it in front of Jay and my lawyer. At the time, I wasn't drinking or smoking, and I only started drinking and smoking again when Briana moved in, which was early 2009 (if you're still reading). So on a certain level, I had to believe him, and I was too busy watching Jeff, out of supernatural paranoia.
The three of us (me, the man who's supposed to be Jay and the man who's supposed to be Em) start a company. NewCo. Late 2009. I wasn't an artist on the label. I was a co-owner. Rumors circulate about Matt's intentions, they match up with my suspicions of Jeff, and I was FAR AWAY FROM HOME, WEED, LIQUOR, AND ANYONE I CARE(D) ABOUT.
One weekend while still in NYC (November 30th, 2009), I slept at Sha-leik's house. Here is where everything gets sketchy. It was the first time I had smoked in a while, and Sha made a comment that messed up my entire night (as he has a skill for). I was paranoid, and I thought I was going to be murdered and raped in my sleep, as an initiation/glory attempt. Blame Stockholm Syndrome, but despite what I went through the night before, I went back to his house, just to see not only if it happened, but if he'd do it again.
Confused and potentially heartbroken, I go back my house upstate and hope for the better. By then, it was time to fly back to LA with... Matt.
None of what they were saying was making sense (creatively), so I decided to leave it all behind and move to the gutterest areas on NYC I know. Chaz (Corpy) had a really lo-fi studio in his apartment, and so did John (Lord Piff). At least there, I can creatively snap and DEFINITELY smoke weed. When Jeff got back to NY, he went looking for me, and I was scared to see him. SO I hid in Chinatown and Staten Island.
Enter 2010. I'm between my house in upstate NY and random people's houses in NYC (there is a difference between NY and NYC). I'm also going back and forth between NY and LA. Don't ask me why. I didn't believe they were raping me (as rape/sodomy is a form of initiation in business, period), but I did. So I left my LA connection to keep recording the gutterest music in the most lo-fi of studios. I didn't care about my fans. I cared about what Harlem thought about me.
You read that Harlem?! I CARED WHAT YOU AND ONLY YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ME!!!
But Corpy and Piff kept calling each other, Matt and Jeff, to try to get me back in the game. So I ran to the two most loyal brothers I've ever met. Boe and Dre.
One night I stayed at Boe's house, smoked, and the same shit I thought happened with Sha happened with them. Either I had a horrible nightmare, or they really blacked on me in my sleep. Embarrassed and heartbroken some more, I started staying with my Grandmother. Mom was there too, and they both knew what was going on, as Jeff was a really close friend of the family. So close, I call him my uncle (as I still do, to this day).
Summer of 2010, I start staying with my mom because I lost the house upstate. Somewhere around this time I met Ethan (a fan from Facebook), and I wanted to start producing for him. So my family helped pay some of his rent and Ethan allowed me to move in. I was under the assumption he was going to start rapping, but he didn't. He just smoked and boned his girl. And that's cool. But I wasn't there to hang out, and the climate was very wack for me. I met Dalvyn (another fan) on AIM, and I invited him to Ethan's so we can smoke and listen to music.
4th of July 2010, I drop a bunch of projects, as it was the last day of any contractual obligations to NewCo. They didn't own the music anyway. Pissed, Jeff (my biggest fear at the time and to this day) comes up to the apartment with Lord Piff and we proceed to fight. A losing fight for me, but I got my point across: don't fuck with me and my music.
A few days later, my mom comes to the apartment with the ambulance and has me committed to a mental hospital (because of a blog post). From there, everything goes haywire.
I got transferred to two different hospitals and diagnosed with .......lol a lot of shit. In the second hospital I was in, I met Simone Marshall and a man who has become truly one of my most beloved friends, Joey Ruperto. Simone was a patient, but Joey was a friend through Jeff and a member of my extended family, the Rupertos (Brick Oven). He basically and without pulling punches, broke me out of there. My prescriptions had me hating my mother HARD, plotting revenge, and absolutely sick of music.
I'm leaving out the whole "Simone Marshall is Dr. Dre" and "Joe is Silver" thing, because I'm tired of being ridiculed for reporting factual alien activity.
Once I get out of the hospital, I record NON-STOP, while trying to have a relationship with Simone M. I was back and forth between Brick Oven and Harlem (travel wise), as I didn't want to feel like I sold Harlem out. I was confused, and very high.
So I left NY to visit my dad in Ohio, while everyone in NY thought I was going to LA to be with Matt and join some damn Dream Center.
While in Ohio, I stole my dad's girlfriend's car and purse, wrecked the car, tried to use the credit cards and fought cops. I was trying to go to jail for some time, to see if it's worth being there for life because of murder. After 8 months (now in 2011), I still wasn't clear on what I wanted to do about this alleged rape shit.
So I move back in with mom. At this point, I have nothing to look forward to except music.
Fast forward (past the whole Apple CEO thing and a few other ups), I decide I was going to tour Harlem and find out what really happened. So I went from living with Corpy, to living with Dalvyn (a total stranger who I felt didn't appreciate my music) to finally living with Boe. Lived with Boe until a few months ago.
Which brings us to now, and why I'm writing this memoir-ass-blog entry.
I can afford to lie to you about my drug intake. Whether I do them, sell them, or make fun of their effects, it doesn't affect my overall message. And you should know to stay away from drugs, unless you're ready to take the plunge into the dark side. With that said, so what if I've done ALL DRUGS AT SOME POINT IN TIME?! WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?! I'm tired of being diagnosed with "fall-off" because I'm not in the public eye. I chose to stay away. I know more about the people at large than you ever will, and I'm appalled, disgusted and concerned for your future, should you decide to discard me.
You've only been asked to spend money on me ONCE music wise, and THAT money went to my latest ex, Christina. I got a deal to be able to provide for her, then broke up with her after I tried to OD on my anti-depressants. Now I can't get her back.
Look. Just leave me alone. You already know all there is to know about me.
As far as Halo, if you want it, you got it. No words at all, Captain. Let's go. (then my conscious sets in)... you know what? progress in life, nigga. Fuck you, fuck me, fuck her, we done.
I do have friends. I'm just honestly tired of people picking my friends for me.
Oh. I since found out Sha-leik, Boe, Dre, Matt and Jeff didn't rape me or murder me in my sleep, but regardless, I either have to boost my tolerance for weed or not let any male contact bother me.
Keeping the last sentence in mind, I'd like to thank my gay friends Chris Elston and Chris Smith for embracing me the way they did. I am not ashamed of my homosexual action, but I'm not proud of how I feel when I'm not around them. I'm not proud of myself when I'm not with them. God, I think there's a loophole in your law. I don't plan to screw any guy EVER AGAIN, and I say that, already nervous about how women are going to take this. But I will say this. Men, if you've been raped before, it's safe to say you can experiment. Just keep women in mind, before and after. Always give your whole being in sex.
I said a lot. Like Jimmy at a bar.
As you were...