Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Rescue rangers!

If you've ever watched a Smack or URL battle, you're pretty much very cool. Total Slaughter was cool, but not necessarily "hood friendly". But battle MCs are potentially the most entertaining in the booth.


So I think I'll start watching more battles. I've heard my name called a few times, but I took it lightly.
And of course, the Serius Jones/Rone face-offs.

T-Rex could probably be the best one out, but you don't really see him that often. When I'm high I could probably beat him, but only after you listen to my bars a few times. Meaning it would have to be taped. Meaning the YouTube hits would be stupid.

YouTube and Harlem. A match made in a cell. Or a cubicle.

After sitting down and overthinking on an iPad, I want to Flipmode from ~think~ to ~create~ .


As you were.

Pick of the litter.

Let me just restate, for my own selfish benefit, that I'm not gay. I feel really self-conscious about that blog entry where I just aired out so much about me. I think the reason I did it was to make people understand that the process of bouncing back from trauma is as difficult as it seems. I've told my mom what I did, which was the real worry. She's mad Christian, so I was expecting her to disown me. She was pretty cool.

The trillest of niggas listen to my music, and I feel like I might've let them down by pausing, no matter what my rationale is. I kinda do regret it. Like, I took being Gothic a bit too far. For my retail album, if it should ever come out, I'm gonna be a lot more progressive.

But that leaves me with soooo many unreleased albums where I just Gothic-ally let it all hang out.

Forbidden Sunday and Immortal / An Immortal are front runners as far as what might come out next. Life From Times Square is intense, but so is The Evil Microchip, of which is definitely still coming out late Autumn/early Winter, only on YouTube.

Big things are on the table, and bigger things have been happening this year. Not everything gets publicized. But all my shit is true; I don't care what you felt.

Stay tuned. And thanks again for your superlove.

As you were.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Back-Back B

I find the issue with my music overall isn't the quality of the record (lyrically, production-wise), but the presentation of sound. Which is what I want it to be. I want you to WANT to listen to my music. It's art. I can obviously mix like crazy, as each of the projects sound the way they do ON PURPOSE. As in, I make them sound the way they sound. It's not a limitation of resources.

Three new HamilVision videos. One with an appearance from ME!

I vouch for HamilVision. Dude is official. Check him out.


Right there!

As you were...

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Almost a government shutdown.

I almost closed this blog. No lie. I said and shared a lot of personal things, in hopes to see a change in the things I've been seeing, as well as bring a resolution to the craziness I am reluctantly aware of.

I'm good now.

I'm gonna post links to all my project EVER, in the near future, so there can be no issue finding my music.

I now see a lot of people listen to my music. In fact, they say they need it.

So thank you all. I am very grateful. No lie. I just am very sensitive about my music. ESPECIALLY my new music. I think I've been making my best music, and it's just highly misunderstood. So in gonna work harder to make you guys like it.

My newer thoughts and process is what I want you to get used to, over my older, more jaded approach.

I can't save everyone, but everyone deserves love.

Maybe it's true. Maybe Gothic is a category. Maybe I'm trying to make sense to people who feel like I  need to be placed in a box. Well, I'd rather the box be the Gothic one, if I must be pigeon-held.

More to come, new videos (thank you HamilVision; "Under" is ridiculous!), and of course new music. Stay tuned.

As you were...

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Doctor's orders

Another doctor's appointment. More talking about how my actions affect other people. I recently called Halo to apologize for what I did, but I think we can cancel our friendship for good. He's said things on the past I still haven't forgiven him for, and I (censored). So we are just not meant to be friends. I told my doctor I don't see the point in seeing him, because I have a blog. But lately, i haven't been feeling like blogging. I haven't really wanted to do anything. Not even TWA (Tarot, Wicca, Alchemy). I just completely lost my will to do anything. Probably because I'm still feeling from the entire 2012.

I trust no one after that year. It doesn't make any since to me. Why hype me up to go beyond my means of self-belief, just to add further fuel to my self-depreciative fire? Then, when I try to talk about it, no one has any clue what I'm talking about.

So now, I know nothing. Absolutely nothing. My music is now personal-er. I just want ME to understand, appreciate and love my music. I'm aware of my audience. But my audience seems to know more about me and the things I go through better than I do.

My mom hates my new music, and so does my fans. They think it's too dark. Halo said I was a "fake Goth", which was the exact blow I was trying to avoid, from anyone. Christina is pretty much gone. Ryan is struggling.

And that's all without talking about the raw lemon of SEGA. George now goes by the name George Spits, Jack is in Parts Unknown, Dilla's the new 2Pac, and I'm ...whatever. Then there's supposedly some other people who are down, but.... I just don't know anymore.

I kinda want to shut this blog down. Toooooooooo many people know my personal stuff. I'm surprised anyone is reading my stuff. I stopped writing poetry's, so now the only vent I have is music. And trust me. I have reasons to vent. I'm just not saying any and everything. Rather, I'm not saying any and everything that's going on in my head and world. So much stuff. The only thing I have to look forward to is this deal. And it's coming along. Just slowly.

Very, very slowly.

At the end of the day, I'm just very alone.

As you were.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Jimmy At A Bar: The Blogpost

If ever you get drunk, understand that you are inhaling spirits. Very dark, very deep, and very persuasive. You are swallowing evil and are trying to live with your actions. Jimmy Iovine is commonly, modernly, and colloquially referred to as Satan. He is darker than Anton Lavey. He is cooler than Billy Dee Williams (another Satanic entity). And he is more loving than all Care Bears.

But his temper is unspoken-ly known.

And Jimmy, with a few sips in his system, would follow through with his Satanic reign of spirit-guided terror.

So Jimmy, one of the wealthiest beings ever, at a bar, would unleash a tirade that would included racism, sexism and insensitivity.

Hence, Jimmy At A Bar.

And yes, there is a storyline to Immortal / An Immortal, the album that Jimmy At A Bar is the "leak" (not the first single) to.

SO........ let me run through and down my life since I got a deal, very quickly.

I broke up with Toya, weeks before my first meeting with Jimmy. Toya, I was supposed to marry. Giving a fuck less, I grinded, and met Simone on MySpace whilst I was trying to promote my music. We fell "in love", despite the studio heads (as I was in FDA at the time) calling her a groupie and a gold digger.

True or not, I loved her the way a man should love a woman.

She breaks up with me at the XXL cover shoot. The same day I meet Starr. A few days later, I meet Karen (my birthday, 2008). We later connected romantically (I have nothing bad to say about her). A few days after us (me and Karen) was when I first met Jess. We later connected romantically as well. So I juggled both of them.

Until I met Briana in early 2009. Who was supposed to be Rihanna (enter the shapeshifting topic).

I left Karen and Jess for Briana. Moved Briana in with me, with this in my heart:

Whether she is Rihanna or I am being lied to about shapeshifting, I am going to love her with all my heart.

Fast forward to summer 2009, the video incident. We stay together through it all, despite how selfish and abusive she was.

Fast forward to fall 2009, my god-uncle Jeff (supposedly, better and naturally known as Jay-Z) moves in with me, and completely wrecks my focus by... being hard on me? One night, he does some NEXT LEVEL shit and scares me all the way to death. To put it mildly, if he were to rape me in my sleep, my cowering would be justified by that NEXT LEVEL ASS SHIT HE DID.

We meet with Matt Michelson, who claims he's Eminem, just not in his natural form. Says it in front of Jay and my lawyer. At the time, I wasn't drinking or smoking, and I only started drinking and smoking again when Briana moved in, which was early 2009 (if you're still reading). So on a certain level, I had to believe him, and I was too busy watching Jeff, out of supernatural paranoia.

The three of us (me, the man who's supposed to be Jay and the man who's supposed to be Em) start a company. NewCo. Late 2009. I wasn't an artist on the label. I was a co-owner. Rumors circulate about Matt's intentions, they match up with my suspicions of Jeff, and I was FAR AWAY FROM HOME, WEED, LIQUOR, AND ANYONE I CARE(D) ABOUT.

Like Halo.

One weekend while still in NYC (November 30th, 2009), I slept at Sha-leik's house. Here is where everything gets sketchy. It was the first time I had smoked in a while, and Sha made a comment that messed up my entire night (as he has a skill for). I was paranoid, and I thought I was going to be murdered and raped in my sleep, as an initiation/glory attempt. Blame Stockholm Syndrome, but despite what I went through the night before, I went back to his house, just to see not only if it happened, but if he'd do it again.

Confused and potentially heartbroken, I go back my house upstate and hope for the better. By then, it was time to fly back to LA with... Matt.

None of what they were saying was making sense (creatively), so I decided to leave it all behind and move to the gutterest areas on NYC I know. Chaz (Corpy) had a really lo-fi studio in his apartment, and so did John (Lord Piff). At least there, I can creatively snap and DEFINITELY smoke weed. When Jeff got back to NY, he went looking for me, and I was scared to see him. SO I hid in Chinatown and Staten Island.

Enter 2010. I'm between my house in upstate NY and random people's houses in NYC (there is a difference between NY and NYC). I'm also going back and forth between NY and LA. Don't ask me why. I didn't believe they were raping me (as rape/sodomy is a form of initiation in business, period), but I did. So I left my LA connection to keep recording the gutterest music in the most lo-fi of studios. I didn't care about my fans. I cared about what Harlem thought about me.


But Corpy and Piff kept calling each other, Matt and Jeff, to try to get me back in the game. So I ran to the two most loyal brothers I've ever met. Boe and Dre.

One night I stayed at Boe's house, smoked, and the same shit I thought happened with Sha happened with them. Either I had a horrible nightmare, or they really blacked on me in my sleep. Embarrassed and heartbroken some more, I started staying with my Grandmother. Mom was there too, and they both knew what was going on, as Jeff was a really close friend of the family. So close, I call him my uncle (as I still do, to this day).

Summer of 2010, I start staying with my mom because I lost the house upstate. Somewhere around this time I met Ethan (a fan from Facebook), and I wanted to start producing for him. So my family helped pay some of his rent and Ethan allowed me to move in. I was under the assumption he was going to start rapping, but he didn't. He just smoked and boned his girl. And that's cool. But I wasn't there to hang out, and the climate was very wack for me. I met Dalvyn (another fan) on AIM, and I invited him to Ethan's so we can smoke and listen to music.

4th of July 2010, I drop a bunch of projects, as it was the last day of any contractual obligations to NewCo. They didn't own the music anyway. Pissed, Jeff (my biggest fear at the time and to this day) comes up to the apartment with Lord Piff and we proceed to fight. A losing fight for me, but I got my point across: don't fuck with me and my music.

A few days later, my mom comes to the apartment with the ambulance and has me committed to a mental hospital (because of a blog post). From there, everything goes haywire.

I got transferred to two different hospitals and diagnosed with a lot of shit. In the second hospital I was in, I met Simone Marshall and a man who has become truly one of my most beloved friends, Joey Ruperto. Simone was a patient, but Joey was a friend through Jeff and a member of my extended family, the Rupertos (Brick Oven). He basically and without pulling punches, broke me out of there. My prescriptions had me hating my mother HARD, plotting revenge, and absolutely sick of music.

I'm leaving out the whole "Simone Marshall is Dr. Dre" and "Joe is Silver" thing, because I'm tired of being ridiculed for reporting factual alien activity.

Once I get out of the hospital, I record NON-STOP, while trying to have a relationship with Simone M. I was back and forth between Brick Oven and Harlem (travel wise), as I didn't want to feel like I sold Harlem out. I was confused, and very high.

So I left NY to visit my dad in Ohio, while everyone in NY thought I was going to LA to be with Matt and join some damn Dream Center.

While in Ohio, I stole my dad's girlfriend's car and purse, wrecked the car, tried to use the credit cards and fought cops. I was trying to go to jail for some time, to see if it's worth being there for life because of murder. After 8 months (now in 2011), I still wasn't clear on what I wanted to do about this alleged rape shit.

So I move back in with mom. At this point, I have nothing to look forward to except music.

Fast forward (past the whole Apple CEO thing and a few other ups), I decide I was going to tour Harlem and find out what really happened. So I went from living with Corpy, to living with Dalvyn (a total stranger who I felt didn't appreciate my music) to finally living with Boe. Lived with Boe until a few months ago.

Which brings us to now, and why I'm writing this memoir-ass-blog entry.

I can afford to lie to you about my drug intake. Whether I do them, sell them, or make fun of their effects, it doesn't affect my overall message. And you should know to stay away from drugs, unless you're ready to take the plunge into the dark side. With that said, so what if I've done ALL DRUGS AT SOME POINT IN TIME?! WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?! I'm tired of being diagnosed with "fall-off" because I'm not in the public eye. I chose to stay away. I know more about the people at large than you ever will, and I'm appalled, disgusted and concerned for your future, should you decide to discard me.

You've only been asked to spend money on me ONCE music wise, and THAT money went to my latest ex, (name edited for security sake). I got a deal to be able to provide for her, then broke up with her after I tried to OD on my anti-depressants. Now I can't get her back.

Look. Just leave me alone. You already know all there is to know about me.

As far as Halo, if you want it, you got it. No words at all, Captain. Let's go. (then my conscious sets in)... you know what? progress in life, nigga. Fuck you, fuck me, fuck her, we done.

I do have friends. I'm just honestly tired of people picking my friends for me.

Oh. I since found out Sha-leik, Boe, Dre, Matt and Jeff didn't rape me or murder me in my sleep, but regardless, I either have to boost my tolerance for weed or not let any male contact bother me.

Keeping the last sentence in mind, I'd like to thank my gay friends Chris Elston and Chris Smith for embracing me the way they did. I am not ashamed of my homosexual action, but I'm not proud of how I feel when I'm not around them. I'm not proud of myself when I'm not with them. God, I think there's a loophole in your law. I don't plan to screw any guy EVER AGAIN, and I say that, already nervous about how women are going to take this. But I will say this. Men, if you've been raped before, it's safe to say you can experiment. Just keep women in mind, before and after. Always give your whole being in sex.

I said a lot. Like Jimmy at a bar.

As you were...

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Post Anaconda Hamilton

I just watched the Anaconda video (Nicki Minaj).

Let's just say, I'm gonna keep doing what I've been doing. I see its working for me.

Lol @ The Evil Microchip explaining why I can't/don't fuck with Halo.

You anti-Illuminati, I'm anti-you.

Yeah. That'll get some of you to stop reading my blog/listening to my music.

As you were.

Subscribe to HamilVision pt. 1

Definitely something I would advise you to do.

YouTube search: HamilVision

You should know how to subscribe to channels on YouTube by now. If not, just click the icon that says "subscribe", provided that you're already logged in to Google.

I have to find the URL for the channel, but these videos are AMAZING. I'm truly blessed to have a videographer like Markus, and when we finally meet (we haven't met yet), you can expect a creative explosion of audio and visual output (outpourings).

The goal is to get Jay a video or two for the album we're supposed to do together, at some point in time.

Rumors, galore. But I speak truth, dammit.

As far as my two cents on the Mike Brown thing, its good that people are taking a stand, but nothing will bring him back. Don't get yourself hurt because you want to fight the power. The police were brutal to me both when I got arrested and in jail. That's what they do. You got to know when to hold them, and know when to fold them. Some battles you can't win.

And black people, keep in mind there is a black man in the White House. That's kind of enough, in the eyes of conservatives. His silence during the matter should be enough to signal you to be MODEL citizens! despite whatever climate.

"I'd rather overthink than overreact!"
-Nelly, in regards to the Mike Brown matter.

But no one asked me, so......

As you were.

Speed up... Gas pedal... .

I'm working on another album. Blah blah blah. I'm very excited about it, blah 3x. Look. It's really hard to go back to believing I'm loved after that viscous bout me and Jay had for over 3 years. And lately, I've been reluctantly fighting depression, since Halo came at me sideways about my depression.

I'm not into the back and forth. I did what I did, we either gonna scrap about it or not, but don't try to take me away from my depression. And I didn't use it to get what I got, from who I got it from. So yeah. If its gonna go down, take your best shot. But ain't nobody scared.

I hate when you fall out with someone and they use your weakness against you. Nigga said I'm not a Wiccan or a Goth. Well, you're not a musician. And don't take shit to Facebook when you have my number. But I know. The Sun don't shine if son don't shine.

Nigga you're lame.

Slowly but surely, this situation is pissing me off. Beyond trying to take the high road. I can't afford to go back to jail, but i also can't afford to go on Maury. Hint.

But whatever. Fuck both of them.

To the home team, keep up the good work. And I lash at y'all because its hard to keep y'all in mind when I want to just run away.

I jeopardized a lot in the last few years. But my home team stays by my side.

I'm about to enjoy this coffee... Lol this just in, Pharrell just saved the day with a message to me.

I guess its safe to say we still communicate.

As you were.

Monday, August 18, 2014

SoundCloud drama

Someone has hacked my SoundCloud (

So I started another.

Be on the look out for more new music.

Or don't expect much from me.

I am not your friend.

It's been a week without me...

Do you feel weak without me?

Several weeks left in the new year, and already I feel like I've revolutionized The Waiting Game. But I'm very proud to know my presence is missed. As missed as it is hated. I found out not everyone is trying to play me. Which is always a good sign. I also feel comfortable in knowing my protoge, Ben Jayne, is making supreme moves with The A$AP MOB. I'm critical of and thankful for Harlem, for allowing me to grow into the man I am now, and for not allowing racial politics to stop Ben from "coming up."

My announcement is as follows. The Evil Microchip is still coming out. It will be the second album released on YouTube, and all the songs from the album will have a video. Will I be seen in them? Only time will tell. But one thing's for certain. I'm only going to put out one more album for free download this year.

I can't be too sure y'all still want my sound.

I've gotten several compliments for my new music, and I've even come to accept the "hate" I get. When it's coming from the same resource, you could only hope to expect hate from said and such a resource. So to my loyals, thank you, and to my day ones, I hope I continue to make you proud.

So of the albums I have to choose from this year to release to you for (in true WWE fashion) "*FREE.99*", I'm torn between "Forbidden Sunday", "Life From Times Square" and the teen-age defying, "Immortal / An Immortal". I'll scour around for some feedback, so let me know which title appeals to you.

Or I could just continue to not give a fuck.

Or I could drop more.

Depends on how heavy the demand is for little ol' me.

And if you want me bad enough, you'll annoy Beyonce about me. Who knows? It might get back to me.

Tap my shoulder before you leave. aka, holla back!

As you were...

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The ungrateful gratitude.

In light of recent events, I feel it's necessary to thank those who, despite whatever undercurrent vibes were present, "helped me out" over the years.

So a special THANK YOU to Boe & Dre (Mandalae Worldwide), Howard Burke (Demevolist), Corpy (We Up Next), Joe R. (Brick Oven), Dalvyn, Ethan, and, almost without saying, Jimmy Iovine. These people have personally supported me through the years, without getting or asking for much back.

Just because it isn't publicized, doesn't mean this year isn't a big year. Though I indefinitely lost one friend in recent weeks (Halo), I'm not ashamed to say I was wrong, in any situation I was wrong in. All egos aside, everyone needs help from someone. And I'm thankful for those who were willing to help.

Kids, don't be like me. The only bridges I haven't burned is with family. Stay close to your family.

Oh. And I have an awesome family (hint).

As you were...

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Standing Up Iggy.

Iggy Azaelea BLACKED on "Fancy". Fuck outta here.

Iggy, wherever you are, stand up and pat yourself on the back for your lyricism on a pop record. Very motivating.

Nicki, sleep not. BUT, Iggy, you know Nicki's my thoroughbred. So YOU, don't sleep on her either.

Fuck Remy.

Y'all two are holding it Dowwowwn for female MCs.

Just a shame Lyte is considered a veteran.

And not a legend.

MC Lyte is a rap goddess.

Nap time.

I am not your friend.

By the way...

Yes. I do feed off of hate. I am a Satanic parasite.

And I am lower than Dragon Dung.

I acknowledge the power of majik.

You grasp it?

(fuckin' faggot...)

I am not your friend.

So I live off other people, huh?

Real niggas respect it, fake niggas want beef 
Cause they know that's the only way we ever gon' speak

Don't worry about what I do with my money. At day's end, I get in a studio and you pay me not a dime. The sad part is, I'm talking to someone who swears by their "love" for me. Now, i could care less. I swear I just wanted to see how long it was gonna take before you say something about how much weed you bought for me, or how "close" you thought us to be.

Furthermore, you have several gigabytes of FREE music from me. I paid for those studio sessions, out of my money. You didn't contribute, but have the most opinions. I can live off of anyone who is in possession of more than a gigabyte of FREE MUSIC.

It's the Communist way.

Fair. Now, when things take off, don't come around. 

And assume nothing major is happening for me, right now.

I'd rather you know where I live (with family, for a change), and just KNOW you are not invited to the places you ...pretty much had a pass to go... with me.

I'm not spittin' no hate at you. I'm not even saying your name. You played your card, playa. Now, you can go your own way...

Peace, Dolla Sign.

I am not your friend.